Author Archives: selectivelysocial

The Average Woman’s Starting 5: Do You Know Your Position.


Its December, the weather is cold, and once again we’ve arrived at what many call “Cuffing Season”. However this year, there is a different issue concerning friendships between men and women. Men are becoming frustrated with women beating around the bush, playing games, leading on and so on and so forth. One of my co-workers was complaining to me about a female that he was friends with. He was like “Man she been on some bullshit yo’. I helped her get her car fixed, paid her phone bill. Anytime she need a couple dollars, I be there, but she still aint giving up the box. I’m bout to cut her off my dude.” I told him, “my dude….u getting real mad, and using a whole lot of energy, and its not even her fault….it’s your fault.” Us guys need to realize that if we are not her man, then we have a position/role that we play in her life. Don’t get worked up because she on some bullshit, u gotta analyze your friendship and realize what role you play in her life. You can play 1 of 5 positions in her life.

1. Bus Boy

2. Intern

3. Temporary On Call

4. In Orientation

5. Her Man

Don’t believe me just watch NiggaNiggaNigga

1. Bus Boy   busboy

This nigga will do anything……..for nothing. This nigga will give u 1/2 of his check, do anything you need for no return. This nigga will go down and eat the box, get up and wipe his mouth off, and walk smooth out the door like the shit is over. A woman don’t want this type of guy for nothing but only for platonically using this nigga for personal advancement.

2. Intern    intern

Most “Good Guys” “Nice Guys” whatever the hell you want to call these nigga are also known as Interns. This guy is genuinely interested in a female. He gives good advice, and is there for the female whenever she needs him whether it’s personal or financial. Personal……or financial. Personal……or….financial. NEVER SEXUAL!!!! At the end of the day this nigga is an INTERN, which means that his services are voluntary and that he is ineligible for benefits. He just continues to play his position and hopes to get offered a position and gets an opportunity to be in Orientation, which is a position that will be covered momentarily.

3. Temporary On Call    temporary on call

This….Nigga…..Aint…..SHIT!!! Usually an ex boyfriend, drug dealer, aspiring rapper, or guy a female use to like, that has previously shown that he is not ready for a relationship, does not want a relationship, is going to continue to do whatever the hell he wanna do and could really give a damn about anything other than what the hell he got going on. “Damn T.Moe why is this temporary on call still in a female’s life if he aint shit?” I’ll tell you why. Because this nigga lays pipe like a muh fucka. This nigga usually gets the “hey u still up” “u tryna chill” “u been on my mind today” kind of texts, but at the end of the day this nigga aint shit but he lays pipe like an olympic plumber and females cant get enough of that shit.

4. In Orientation   orientation

This nigga is a genuine good friend, cares about a female, is there for her whenever she needs it.  He’s met some of her family and friends but he isn’t her man just yet; however, THIS NIGGA IS ELGIBLE FOR BENEFITS!!!!!!! He not her man, but he talks to her at all times of the day and night, takes her out, and taps that ass. Most guys aren’t ready to take the leap into a relationship, so a friendship where he can be a friend but at the same time have a spare key to that box is IDEAL.  At the end of the day, this nigga gets to have his cake and eat it too, but not for long, cuz females aint having that shit. I think their slogan is “hit this twice, we go together” or some shit like that, so while u in Orientation enjoy yourself.

5. Her Man   man

This nigga is her man. Self explanatory. This nigga is dishing out money, doing favors, tappin’ that ass, he’s on payroll, has a 401k benefit package, all that shit. However once in this position, you must not take your duties lightly, because women are sneaky. They’ll demote you and get someone to fill your position and you wont even know it. One minute you are her man, chillin with your feet up and the next minute you temporarily on call.

Be Smart, evaluate your friendships, and figure out what position you play.


Flashback!! “Diary of a Brown Girl”

So back when I had my blog at blogspot, I wrote a blog entitled “Diary of a Brown Girl”. It’s one of my favorite to date. I just wanted to share with you all. Hope you enjoy and leave your thoughts!!

This post is going to be a little personal but I feel it is very relevant to things I have been seeing and hearing lately. You know what, not even lately. It’s more like all my life. I just recently have come to terms with what I consider is beautiful. I will even go as far as to say I’ve just recently within the past two years become more comfortable in my own skin.
Growing up my family always told me I was pretty and up to a certain age I believed them. Then I hit the teenage, “growing into myself” phase. When you live in a society that embraces “good hair”, lighter skin, small facial features, and small frames, and you don’t have ANY of that…you start to second guess yourself. I’m brown skin (in the summer super dark), big nose, big teeth, chinky eyed girl with a big round head,and fat cheeks. I didn’t know what standard of beauty I fit. As a matter of fact, I didn’t think I fit any standard of beauty and the world around me seemed to support my thought process.
Now I am a 21 year old young woman and I actually do consider myself to be attractive and my self esteem is pretty high. Yet even now, I STILL am confronted with my standards of beauty. On numerous occasions I have been the exception to guys, “light skin” rule. And in my head I’m thinking, “so I guess only light skin girls can be insightful, down to earth, friendly, (and whatever else they like)”. I guess if your brown skin/dark skin you’re automatically knocked of the desirable list. I have even had a distant cousin come to me and say, “wow, I have a dark skin cousin…..AND SHE’S PRETTY!!”. What does that even mean?!
And it’s horrible because children are the first to pick up on these things! As a young girl I loved Beyonce but had to play Kelly because I was dark skin and my friend was light skin. Let’s not even consider the fact that I was the only one that could sing. An example of how to a kid, the skin color takes precedence over talent. Times are changing but still this seems to be a problem still around.
I personally believe that every skin color is beautiful and should be embraced. I embrace my tan in the summer and refuse to be ashamed. It gets under my skin how even in the media “light is right” and “black is wack”. That probably wasn’t the best saying but I think you can get the over all effect of what I mean.
What do you think about society’s standard of beauty and it’s affect on the world around us?

“Story Of Hope”

So tonight, I was watching “Sports Center” and they had a segment entitled “Story of Hope” where  they told the story of an autistic boy who was told he would never be able to play football or fit into society. Now sports stories always seem to get to me for some reason and this one definitely did the trick. Within a short amount of time he learned how to kick the football and was soon on the Varsity football team as the place kicker. His longest field goals were 45 yards! Against the one of the best teams in the state the game depended on him and they won after he made the field goal. Yes I cried!! Because this segment reminded me of one of my favorite movies, “Rudy” (go watch it). I just wanted to share that because sometimes we’re told we can’t do something, or we feel all odds are against us. But your will has to be stronger than what barriers you THINK are in your way. Now I’m no Iyanla Vanzant, but I will say that this story definitely struck a chord with me and I felt the need to share it. Don’t let your brain tell you you can’t do something if your heart really wants it.

She’s Thankful For……..??

It’s 1 am on Thanksgiving morning and although it is cliché, I really AM thankful. One of my favorite sayings is “Any day above ground is a good one”, because it holds so much more truth than we could even imagine. I find myself trying to let go of petty things and not let certain things annoy me because (and maybe this comes with age and maturity) LITERALLY, it is never guaranteed for you to wake up. So although this holiday may be based on some ( dismissive mumbles) *ahem* I will say that it does make me reflect. I am thankful for my family, my friends, my boyfriend, the opportunity to have another chance to get life right. And yes, it is very corny, but it is also truth. So maybe from this day on out I need to make my appreciation for life and people more known because today is not the only day to do so, and maybe Black Friday I’ll be back to complaining about how much life sucks. But I will try to focus on the positives and not the negatives. Well….that’s all I got lol so HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!! 🙂

“So, What Are We?” Things Girls Say

I have a problem with relationships today. I don’t understand them… all. And I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have understood them 20 years ago either but it seems like they were better off then than they are now. In today’s society, the first issue is that we expect things and have standards that us ourselves don’t even meet. You want someone who hasn’t had X amount of partners however you yourself have had 30. You want someone with a steady job yet you don’t have one yourself. You want someone with morals and values yet you yourself have none. I don’t understand how that’s fair and how you can even meet someone you are truly compatible with if you don’t even meet your own standards. We must be realistic in our pursuit of happiness. Know what you’re actually worth.

Now say you’re at the point in your “courtship” where you realize this may be someone that you want to pursue something with. The next step is to of course make them your “girlfriend/boyfriend” right? WRONG! According to my peers, taking things to the next level of your relationship can totally screw everything up. You two like each other so much, that to actually claim that person as your significant other would totally and utterly ruin what you have. Does the logic in this really make sense? or is this an excuse? I believe that in today’s society we put so much pressure on relationships to the point where we completely dodge the possibility of it and live in the mind set of “ignorance is bliss”. “If we subconsciously fool ourselves into thinking we’re not together, but actually be together, we’ll be successful”.. -_-…..okay.

Well, if that’s what we’re going to roll with, what the hell are we leading up to? I refuse to be your untitled girlfriend. Next thing you know we’ll have a 12 year old child and still say we’re just “talking”.

Ultimately, I think that our generation has intimacy,trust,and commitment issues. We’ve seen movies, heard songs, and listened to our friends and family talk about their heartaches so much, we let them into our own lives and act like they happened to us. I refuse to not have a happy and have a healthy relationship because I am always checking over my friends shoulder and she’s checking over mine. Maybe you can’t actually fully trust someone. But if that’s the case, can you ever really love someone? When do you stop being a skeptic and just live your life. What happens will happen and YOU WILL LIVE. But when “not putting anything past anyone” turns into an excuse to do what you want, we’re starting a horrific cycle over again.

All in all, NO relationship is perfect. And I’m definitely no expert but I’m not scared to try it out. I’m not scared of my feelings being hurt because at the end of the day, when it’s worth it, its really worth it. If your interested in someone tell them, because playing games get old.Quick. We have to grow up eventually and being a young “player” turns into you being a creep even quicker. I’m rambling again but you get my point.

Spongebobs and Patricks

Does anyone remember that Spongebob Squarepants episode, where Spongebob and Patrick ended up in a WWE wrestling style match because Spongebob called Patrick pink, and Patrick called Spongebob yellow? Well I’m watching it now. And as simple as these cartoons seem BOY are they digging deep. Why do we (and I say we because I am guilty of it too) get mad because people point us out as we are?

Many women get mad because they’re pointed out as emotional creatures. Then they proceed to throw a tantrum as to why that’s not fair and they shouldn’t be categorized (the irony huh)? Or men get mad because women point out how immature they can be. If the shoe fits, wear it! No, it is not fair that an entire group of people get categorized as one thing. But sometimes you really do have to take an honest look at yourself and say, “Maybe I really don’t listen to other people’s opinion” or “maybe I really should be a little more patient”.  This very way of thinking has saved me from some arguments as well as gotten me into some as well. Many people don’t like being told to look in the mirror, but it is definitely necessary.

People in our generation are so quick to point out everyone else’s flaws, that it actually catches me off guard to hear someone say “I’m Sorry”. While pointing the finger, you have no time for your own self discovery. My point is. if you are pink, then don’t be mad when someone calls you pink. And if you’re yellow, don’t deny it. We are what we are (even the negative things), if we acknowledge it, and embrace it, we can work with it and/or around it. Not ignore and deny it.


Why I’m Not Consistent….ahem..

So…….I’m not consistent with blogging…at all. However I am going to give it another shot. What I find so hard is that I don’t necessarily care about documenting a celebrities every move, album release, movie, or outfit. Like I could honestly care less for the most part. I enjoy writing about more relevant things to my life. However those end up sounding like rambles. Now I don’t even necessarily even know where this one is leading up to, however its a start, So…….s/o to consistency or my lack thereof. But I’m working on it. First blog back = First step 🙂 Thanks for reading


CUT OFF!! My hiatus from twitter

I deleted my twitter. For this to be completely accurate, I probably should have kept a brief timeline to actually document my findings. I originally deleted my twitter, not as an experiment but as a personal temporary fix. I felt like instead of having my own thoughts, I would look at twitter and see what other people thought. I felt like twitter blew up the smallest issues and made them way bigger than what they really should be. From parties, tv shows, killing off random celebrities, and even the rants the people I followed went on, twitter just seemed to blow up the smallest issues. I also became annoyed with myself and the constant staring at my phone screen. Believe it or not, I needed a break from twitter. Deleting twitter to me felt like a student cleaning there room before they could do there work. With a clear mind I would be able to focus. Focus on what you ask? I don’t know, just focus.

When I first deleted my twitter I got the strangest and the most unexpected reaction from people. People were actually worried about me and where I was (as if twitter makes up for physically being in my presence). One by one I received text messages asking where I had been and if I was okay, what was wrong with me, and when will I be getting it back. To me this was strange because deleting it had not seemed like that big of a deal. The first couple of days I would go to my phone expecting to check my timeline and even had urges of going to create a new one. But as time went on I told myself I wouldn’t get a new one until I no longer felt like I HAD to have one (if that makes sense). After seeing peoples reaction to deleting a twitter I just felt as though it was dumb that some people felt it was a necessity.

A month later, I have my twitter back. And although I have been quick to find out the cons, the pros are definitely more obvious. Even though everyone says “you can find everything out on twitter”, its true! Twitter has single handedly become the most efficient way of communicating the news. That’s one thing that I missed out on, my current events were all out of wack. Besides that I’m not as addicted as I was and I plan on keeping that way. I think people have absolutely NO idea what details in the world they miss out on, simply because they’re staring at something in the palm of their hand.



TIME’s Person of the Year!! The Protester

It’s December!! Which means it is that time of the year again, where head honcho’s meet and decide who their men and women of the year are and countdown on the most memorable moments. One of the most talked about has already been released and that is TIME magazine’s man/woman of the year.

This year, they named the “person” of the year “THE PROTESTER”.  Nice way to dodge the bullet of criticism if you ask me. However, if their goal was to make everyone happy then I can totally understand their reasoning. From across the nation and country to country, protesters have filled our streets and our television screens with emotional messages and dramatic demonstrations. This definitely was the year of the protester, and I definitely hope that it doesn’t stop here.

2011 has been a very eventful year, who do you all consider to be the person of the year?

NBA Back!!

This morning at 3 a.m. when I should have been sleep I was up scanning my time line on twitter. My followers began to buzz and a sudden rush came over them as rumors of the NBA  being back circulated. A tentative agreement has been met which will set the 66 game season into action on Christmas day, with games such as Chicago Bulls against Los Angeles Lakers.

Even the players took to twitter expressing their excitement and relief. With training camps opening up on December 9th there are still many things that need to be agreed on however everyone seems pretty optimistic about coming to an agreement. According to the players will be receiving between 47 and  51 percent which was an important point throughout the process. Regardless of the technicalities, it’s safe to say that basketball fans are very happy.